Windows
by Fragment of a Memory
Summary: Years pass and Cecil cannot forget Kain - his best friend, and his love. KainxCecil


**A/N:** Alrighty, I love KainxCecil, and they really don't get enough love to my confusion. So I decided to help the cause and post a crappy one-shot. I hope people will soon start liking this couple more (for some really good KxC stories, I suggest reading keadeblue264's stories ^^)

Anywho, this is in Cecil's POV after Kain left. No flames, please. Hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own crap. If I did, KainxCecil would be canon.

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**.:Windows:.**

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Three years. It has been three years since Kain left. Most are relieved - glad even - about his absence. If asked about him, their faces contort into either fear or anger, spitting out his name like it was an offense against the gods. Rosa worries about him sometimes…but it is only a fleeting concern soon forgotten. Kain is only a memory now, a bittersweet memory of could have beens and empty promises. More than once as I've stared out a window, looking for his figure in the distance, my…wife…comes to me and embraces me, saying that perhaps it's for the best, and I should put away those memories. I say nothing, nor can I bring myself to look at her or return her gestures of affection. If I looked at her, she would surely see the anger in my eyes ignited by her even thinking of me forgetting him. After a few moments she sighs and walks away.

Do not get me wrong. Rosa holds a special place in my heart. I love her…just not the way a husband should love his wife. I have not touched her once. I am waiting for him, for the only one that can make me feel complete. I have waited these three years, looking out my windows, listening for any news that may bring word of him. I lie awake at night, wondering where he is, what he is doing, has he met a lovely woman and fallen in love? The last thought often makes me cringe, my heart skipping a beat before twisting. But that thought is not nearly as bad as when I question his health. Is he alright? Is he ill or wounded? Is he injured out there right at this very moment, all by himself, dying? And then suddenly I feel like I can't breathe, like someone stabbed a knife into my frantically pounding heart. I pray that he can put his foolish pride and stubbornness aside and just come home and back to me. I am tired of smiling and pretending I am just fine when I long for him. Even if he were to reject me, at least I'd know he was alive.

**.:.**

Another year has passed and still he has not returned. Rosa wants to have a child, and all I can do is make excuses. I do not wish to sleep with her. How can I, when all I dream about is Kain holding me, kissing me, and making love to me? It amazes me how long I have lied to her, and guilt takes hold of my conscious. I was never in love with her. I have felt affection for her as a friend, and I have felt jealousy whenever my Dragoon showed interest in her. I would never wish harm on that sweet girl, but sometimes the dark side of me whispers words of resentment towards her. If only I could undo my mistakes. Would things be different if I realized my wrongs sooner? If I had talked Kain into leaving with me before all this started? Could I prevented being separated from the man I love? It probably doesn't matter now. Nothing matters now...

**.:.**

Five years now. Only my duty to my people forces me to rise from bed. I do not bother smiling anymore. I'm too tired. I'm tired of this loneliness, of yearning for him, of quietly crying myself to sleep. Rosa fusses over how I need to eat more, that I look too thin and gaunt. I can't bring myself to care. I feel like a dead man…Hell with it, I want to die. Kain's not coming back. I know him. If he had any intention of coming back he would have by now. Either he has no desire to return, or he's…

I don't like the taste of liquor, but at least it can haze the swirling and painful thoughts in my head long enough for me to sleep. I have _not_ become an alcoholic, I tell myself every night as I reach for that bottle. I no longer sleep in my own bed, but rather Kain's. His scent is faint, but I long for it. If I lay there long enough, I can close my eyes and imagine that he never left. In that moment of time he's just left for a while, and if I concentrate enough I can almost feel his hand touching my face, his lips brushing against my own. I see him in the corner of my eye, leaning against the wall and gazing out the window, the sun reflecting off his armor. And then I blink and he's gone and reality hits me like a dozen poison-tipped arrows. Kain's not here. He's gone. He left. And he's never coming back.

**.:.**

Rosa shocked me today, the sixth year anniversary of Kain's absence. Like all those many times before she walked up to me as I gazed out a window. I waited to hear her usual advice, but instead she was silent for several moments. Maybe she had given up. But then she spoke. "Go to him."

I blinked and looked at her, but she only smiled. And I knew that she had known all along, and she was giving me her blessing.

If Kain is not coming back, then I shall go and look for him. If I find him, I will convince him to come back with me, or if he doesn't then I will stay with him. If he truly is no longer part of this world, then I will join him. Nothing will stop that.

As I make my leave, I glance back to see Rosa's face through a window. She smiles, and I return it. For the first time in years, I truly feel alive. I have a purpose in my life.

I will find you Kain. This I promise.

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Crappy fic is crappy, heh... But do review anyway if you would please. ^^


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